Happily Ever After

It took me by surprise when my husband said that Disney Corporation would no longer make movies about princesses because their research showed that little girls no longer dreamed of a prince would come to fight for them, and be victorious over some evil in their lives. They no longer believed in “happily ever after.”

As a mother of three girls, this made me sad. But as a spiritual mother of women within the body of Christ, this made me heartbroken.

A couple of years ago, I shared a hotel room with another woman in fulltime vocational ministry. I had never personally met her, but she was a college friend with a friend of mine. Within moments of meeting her, she stuck her finger in my jello, so to speak, and I should have realized then what a hurting and disillusioned woman she was, but I was too shocked by her rudeness to catch it at first. That evening, after a beautiful time of praise and worship, where the Spirit of God just enveloped the room, God spoke one word to my heart: mercy. Little did I know how quickly I would need to put the word into practice.

Within moments of returning to our room, she blurted out, “I hate songs that make Jesus sound like He is our boyfriend or something. The whole thing is ridiculous!” I silently listened as she went on and on about how modern songs took Jesus and reduced Him to a man that we could love romantically, and how disrespectful that was.

As she spoke, I furiously prayed for the Spirit of wisdom and revelation. I didn’t want to inflame the situation, but she was missing a vital part of the relationship God wishes to have with each of us.

So I started asking questions; “tell me your story” type of questions. In her answers she revealed the hidden hurt and disillusionment she felt over the cards she had been dealt in life. Her husband was a chaplin within the prison system where politics and violence reigned. She had three special needs children--two adopted and one biological—with one demanding 24-hour care to do everything, and with no hope of any significant progress in the future. They pastored a very small church of mainly senior citizens who complained and criticized because she missed so many services due to the children’s issues.

As I listened, I heard more than she wanted me to. I heard her heart say, “God couldn’t truly love me and allow me to feel so alone. God couldn’t truly love me when my life hurts this much. God’s Word says that He loves us, but it must be from afar, because I don’t know if I’ve ever felt Him close to me. I have not personally experienced God’s unconditional love for me, so it must not exist at all.”

She no longer believed in “happily ever after” either. And truthfully, who of us hasn’t asked God, “Where are You in this? Don’t You care that my heart is breaking?”

In the midst of our pain, it is often so difficult to grasp how much God loves us. Oh, we can quote John 3:16, but it often doesn’t move from God loves the world to God loves me.

But, friend, let your heart soak up these words: He sees you. He hears you. He knows you. He. Loves. You. And if you were the only person in the history of the world to not believe in Him, He would have still sent Christ to die for you, and you alone. He loves you.

In Deuteronomy 6:5, God tells His children to love Him with all of our heart, soul and strength. This word love is translated as “delight, desire, be beloved.” Now it may make us feel uncomfortable, but God wants to be our first Beloved. My commentary went on to say that this word “denotes a strong emotional attachment for and the desire to be in the presence of a person.”

When my husband and I were dating and first married, I desired to be in his presence—no matter what he was doing. In those days he traveled a lot, working several Christian artists, and I would go with him. He would virtually ignore me for hours at a time while he intently worked, but we were together, and that was what mattered.

Is that how we feel about Jesus? Do we understand, truly understand, that is how He feels for us?

In Matthew 22:34-40, Jesus repeats the command given in Deuteronomy, and goes onto say that the entire Law of the Prophets hang or hinge on the following of these commands: Love God and love others. 1 John goes on to say that we can love others because we have received and comprehended the love of God, and that if we don’t love others, we can’t say we love God.

We can’t begin to love others until we get how much He loves us. And not just collectively, but personally. He wants to have a relationship with you, an intimate relationship with you.

In nine different places within the New Testament, Jesus is called the Bridegroom and the church is the Bride. This isn’t a marriage of convenience or a political pact—this is a description of a marriage of love! This unconditional love, that defies our limited understanding, covers our sin and creates within us a purity and confidence in the One who loved us first. From that confidence in Him, we desire to respond with the only thing we can offer: our whole selves. He loves me so much that my only reasonable response is to love Him back with all that I have and all that I am.

Even as ministry leaders, I believe that we must keep coming back to this concept of love and relationship. We continue in ministry because we are called, yes, but ultimately it must stem from our deep, unshakable love and affection for God. If it does not, ministry to others will become an arduous, unfulfilling burden.

We can believe in “happily ever after”, because that is what Revelation 18:6-7 tells us will happen. The Bridegroom will come for His Bride, our Prince of Peace will ride in on His white horse, and we will live with Him forever. There will be no more sin, no more pain, no more questions. And that is the best definition of happily ever after that I know!

In pursuit of zoe,

The Least of These

Pastor Robbie, the youth pastor at our new church, preached a fantastic sermon tonight based on Matt. 25:31-46. Although the passage in my Bible has the title of “The Parable of the Sheep and the Goats”, the words that jump out at me are “the least of these…”

In some circles, I am now the least of these. I no longer have a ministry position, I am unemployed, and my future seems uncertain at this point. Some people I respect and care about seem to not see me anymore; it appears that I have become invisible.

In Matthew 25:44, the group of people identified by Christ as the “goats” ask Him, “When did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?” And the answer is simple: they didn’t see Him, because they didn’t see anyone. They were blind to the people in need all around them.

Which begs the question: who am I not seeing? Who needs me, but I’m too busy, too distracted, too selfish, too whatever, to stop what I’m doing and put someone else’s needs before my own?

Our former church has had a food pantry and distribution center for several years that reaches out to our local community. I volunteered mostly every week, not necessarily because they needed my help, but because I truly love the people. I received many complaints that I “held up the line”, because I stopped and talked to the people, hugged them and learned their names. I’m not trying to brag; I simply wanted my neighbors to know that I saw them as people, not just numbers on our “Families Served” list.

But I can’t just say that my church feeds the hungry so my responsibility is completed. I need to do more. We volunteer at our girls’ school, but one day a week doesn’t relieve my responsibility either. Is the answer more days a week? More volunteering? More social type work?

No, the answer is to see. See the people around me. See the kids in my neighborhood. See the people in the grocery store. See the people in my church. To look at my life, my circumstances, my situations like Jesus would. To respect people just for whom they are, not what they can do for me. To talk to people I come in contact with, not just the ones in my circle of friends. To remember the power in physical touch and eye contact.

Will you join me in asking God to open your eyes to see the people we would normally walk by? Will you ask Him to allow you to truly see the ones who have been praying for someone, anyone, to notice them? You will be doing it for Jesus, not just the least of these.

In pursuit of zoe,

Many Roles, One Call

We just returned from District Council where I saw some dear friends, colleagues and ministry leaders. For the ones who already knew about our present situation, person after person asked the same question: “So what are you doing now?”

Such an interesting question. No harm in the asking, no malice intended, but my answer seems so sad and lame to my own ears. We don’t seem to be doing much of anything right now, or at least that is how it feels many times.

Then this morning I received a copy of the Pentecostal Evangel featuring Dr. Beth Grant. Across the front of the magazine are written the words, “Many Roles, One Call.” As I read Dr. Grant’s story, I felt the Holy Spirit’s gentle whisper asking, “What did I call you to do?” I stopped and pondered that for a moment. Being a pastor for the last nine years, my calling has been wrapped up in my occupation and vocation. So being unemployed right now, my calling must be put on hold too, right?

But God’s callings are irrevocable, correct? (Rom. 11:29) So where does that leave me, and others in my present situation?

Several years ago, God asked me to read and study Isaiah 61:1-3—really study it. At the time, I thought it was to describe the feeding ministry at our church. But as time went on, I realized this was the calling for Mark and me, not necessarily our church at large.

As the years have gone on, this passage has become more and more dear to me. “God has anointed me to preach….” What a concept! The Maker of the universe anointed ME, simple me, to preach, to speak, to lead!

So right now I lead from my pew, my computer, or my phone. I preach through my blog, my emails, my conversation, my smile, my hugs, my touch. Right now my platform has been removed in the way I was used to, but my platform will never be gone.

Just today I read this additional verse: “I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me.” Even in this time when I seem to be jobless, I am not purposeless! I’m still anointed! I still have purpose!

How about you? Are you feeling like your calling has become vague or even misplaced? Don’t despair—you too have purpose! You are not forgotten and neglected by God. What can you do to live your calling, your anointing, your purpose out loud?

My role is definitely changing, but my calling hasn’t changed. Many roles, one call.

In pursuit of zoe,

"And WE know...."

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Rom. 8:28 (NIV)

This is a verse I memorized in Missionettes as a young girl, and I’ve heard it quoted to other people when trouble seemed to be invading their lives. Sometimes it is said almost as a platitude, and when that happens, the hope and comfort of the verse is lost.

This week a dear friend of mine sent me an S.O.S email. Her ministry life had just imploded. She had just found out that people within her church had been meeting secretly about her and her husband, and were spreading lies about her family to whomever would listen. They made slanderous comments about her character, her motives, her intentions at the church, and demanded her immediate removal. “Will you pray with me?” she asked.

The similarities in our situations were too obvious to miss, and not taken as God’s gentle nudging. She could have written to dozens of other women, but she wrote to me. And I’ve known all along that if I chose to handle my situation the way the Bible says to, that God would somehow use me to help others. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.

God has been showing me that one of the greatest tools of the enemy against us is isolation. I too am often embarrassed to tell people how deep my pit has become. I think I should be able to draw more readily upon the scripture I have read and taught to others. But sometimes I am simply too exhausted.

I was reading Rom. 8:28 again, when a simple pronoun jumped out at me. "For WE know..." Paul doesn't say that he knows, but we know. Sometimes my problems seem so overwhelming that I can’t see out from under it by myself. But then God sends others to walk with me, beside me, and remind me of the power God has given me; not a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:8). I am convinced that the enemy is trying to assault us like never before because he knows his time is short, and he is intimidated by what could happen if we were totally united by the love of God.

I did pray for my friend, and I don’t plan on stopping. I also encouraged and cheered her on by telling her the things I needed to hear myself not so long ago. Gal. 6:2 tells us to carry each other’s burdens, and when we do, we fulfill the law of Christ. But maybe more importantly, it gives glory to God because it proves that He has taken our ashes, and given us beauty in it’s place. And His beauty is to be shared.

In pursuit of zoe,

Free

“Indeed, it’s because God loves us, He sometimes says no.” Lysa TerKeurst

That was the sum of a recent blog by Lysa. Ouch. That one hurts.

Often I am unwilling to see God’s answer no to my desires as being loving on His part. Often I am unable to move beyond my own human reasoning to see a bigger, more holy picture. Often I just plain don’t want to.

As a mom, sometimes I say no to a request because I know my girls aren’t ready or mature enough to participate. Sometimes I say no because I understand that the activity or the others participating aren’t what is best for them. Why then do I question God’s judgment when He does the same with me?

It’s been about ten weeks since my husband and I were asked to resign as leaders from our ministry. Thankfully, there wasn't a moral or ethical failure; just a difference in ministry views and passions. But for the first time in nine years, I wasn't a leader of a Bible study, part of a speaking team, or training leaders for various ministries. I felt lost and abandoned by God.

Yesterday while getting ready for church, I heard the song,"I Am Free" by Jared Anderson. For the first time I realized that I have been whining and wallowing in self-pity instead of seeing this as being freed from the confines that my previous ministry had placed on me. Now, perhaps for the first time in my adult life, I can be exactly who God called and designed me to be--nothing more, nothing less.

Now I have the time to work on my personal character, to study and learn from great leaders God has placed in my path, and relearn the value of humility. And I am learning the value of the discipline of rest. (More on that this week…)

So as painful as this "no" has been, I am thanking Him for it. And I have been asking Him to make sure my character is ready and fully baked for the next step and season of ministry. Because this is just the beginning.

What ‘no’ have you thanked God for lately? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

In pursuit of zoe,

Little Interruptions Turned Into Big Blessings

I try to walk through my neighborhood every week night with my oldest daughter. It’s a way to get fresh air and exercise, but also a way to steal a few moments with my precious girl before she decides she is embarrassed to be with me in public. Well, last night my sweet husband was working feverishly on a project, and I knew that if I left the two younger girls there, they would pester him for attention, so all four of us went walking.

Just in case you are beginning to picture some sweet family scene, allow me to dispel the myth. Walking with all of them is a little like trying to dog walk with a Great Dane, a Lab and a Chichuchua. Everyone wants to walk next to me, and no one wants to walk behind anyone else. So the first half of the walk was consumed with trying to teach them to walk two-by-two and not step on each other. Sigh.

Carly and I normally follow a certain path when we walk, mainly so I don’t have to think about it constantly, and I can I use the time to coax conversation from her. But last night we had used so much of our time learning how to safely walk on the sidewalk, that I decided to cut things short and turn left onto the street that runs along the side of my house. Thankfully, by this time we had found our groove, and were laughing and chatting, waving to our neighbors.

As we neared our block, I noticed one of our neighbors sitting outside at her wrought-iron bistro table, and I waved. But instead of waving back, she spoke to me. But she spoke so softly, that I couldn’t hear her. So I motioned to the girls, and we walked up her driveway. As I neared her, I could see that she was quite distressed. She struggled to stand with the aid of her walker, and said, “I’m locked out.” She went on to say that the hidden key was missing, and the door closed behind her, and she didn’t have a phone. I offered her my cell phone, and she asked me to dial several numbers, to no avail. With each failed attempt to reach someone, she became more and more anxious. It was beginning to get dark, and she had no idea when her granddaughter would be home, and she couldn’t remember anyone else’s phone number. I turned to my girls and told them to walk home, and tell their daddy that I was going to stay with the neighbor until her family returned.

Under much protest, she finally agreed to allow me to sit with her. Over the next hour, she told me about meeting her husband as a Red Cross volunteer during WWII, about moving back to Florida with him, building the house she still lives in, about raising a family. She talked about losing her son this year, and the pain of burying a child, no matter how old. She also told me the history of my own house, and she complimented me on our color choices and the landscaping. As it continued to get dark around us, she asked what my husband and I did for a living. So I told her about the last nine years at the church, about the marketing work we are doing now, and about waiting for God to open another door. She listened intently, nodding as I spoke. She commented on the people she knew who had attended the church over the years, and then changed the subject.

Her family came home shortly after that, upset that she had bothered me, and that we had been sitting outside. As I stood to shake her hand, she said, “My name is Triscka. Now we are truly neighbors. Come back and visit with me again.” After promising I would, I walked home in the dark.

As I read the Gospels, I am again and again struck by the interruptions into Jesus’ schedule. Each healing seemed to occur as an interruption as Jesus was on His way somewhere else, to do something else. As we have been at home more recently, I have asked God to show me the everyday interruptions that are really divine encounters, that in my busyness, I would normally walk right by. The person in the grocery store, the man on the side of the road, the elderly neighbor locked out of her house.

It’s funny; I was telling God over the weekend that I feel like I have no one to minister to, that I have seemingly lost my identity as a leader. Then I met Triscka. Such a simple thing, really. Sit with her until her family returns. Ask her about her story. Let her talk. I didn’t give her the steps to salvation according to the “Roman Road”; I just tried to show her that I cared. And maybe plant a seed to someday share how much the God of the universe cares about her.

All last evening, I felt so close to God. I felt His Presence everywhere, in everything I read, everything I watched. He seemed to just be hovering around me, wrapping His arms around me. And I wonder as I write this, is this where I display my passion for the Savior, in the little interruptions that I’m willing allow Him to use?

Triscka thanked me repeatedly, but I truly am the one who was blessed by our “chance” meeting. So, friends, who has God placed in your overloaded schedule today? Who might He be asking you to reflect His love and mercy to? “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Eph. 5:15-16)

Let me know how your opportunities pan out today……

In pursuit of zoe,

Lysa TerKeurst: Accountability...helpful or detrimental?

Dear SheTribe,

This post is actually from Lysa TerKeurst's blog, and I thought it deserved to be reprinted here. I'd love to here your comments or thoughts.

Accountability…helpful or detrimental?

In the middle of a radio interview about “Made to Crave” recently, the show’s host opened the phone lines for questions. Much to my surprise the first caller was a man. He was using the message of Made to Crave to overcome his struggles with a pornography addiction. He confessed that for years he’d tried to win this battle using an accountability partner.

It sounds good to have a friend who will hold you accountable.

And it can be crucial.

But, it can be detrimental as well.

Whether accountability is positive or negative depends on where the conversations are focused. What we focus on will become bigger and more magnified.

The radio caller confessed when meeting with his accountability partner, he’d make note of all the inappropriate sites his accountability partner confessed during their time together… and made a point to visit there later. Instead of helping his addiction, this accountability relationship was actually fueling his failure.

It wasn’t until they changed their focus from porn to Truth that positive progress started to be made. When he focused on the porn, his thoughts became more and more conformed to his pattern of sin. When he focused on Truth, he became more and more transformed into a pure man of God.

Wow, did this make complete sense to me. My physical struggle is not the same as this man. But, my physical struggle with food can be just as luring and consuming. What might happen if instead of focusing on the scale, the food, and the hardship of sacrifice we turned our dialog to this:

1. Our goal is letting the peace of God rule in us. Are you at peace?

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you,” Isaiah 26:3

2. Our desire is to honor God with our bodies. How did you honor God this week?

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies,” 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20.

3. Our perspective is to fill our soul with an abundance of truth instead of our stomach with an abundance of food. What truths were you filled with this week?
“…and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free,” John 8:32.

Of course part of accountability is to ask the tough questions about the physical struggles.

But we shouldn’t make this our focus.

If we want to grow closer to God, we have to distance ourselves from the distractions holding us back. And part of the distancing process is focusing and magnifying God more and more…especially in our times of accountability.


Friends,
Do you participate in an accountability relationship. If not, why? Do you believe that God wants us to be involved in accountability, and if so, why do so many Christians ignore this?

In pursuit of zoe,