This week while at the doctor, the nurse took my blood pressure and weight, and then used a machine to check my BMI. Suddenly she jumped up, clapped her hands and exclaimed, “Oh, Judi, you’re perfect! Just perfect!” I was so shocked by her statement that I didn’t even respond at first. I have never heard myself been described as perfect, and had no idea what she was even talking about.
The nurse was referring to my BMI and weight, which for the first time in my adult life, was within the correct parameters; therefore I was deemed as perfect. But oddly enough, I didn’t feel perfect, I didn’t think I looked perfect, and I felt uncomfortable even being called “perfect”.
See, although this present weight loss challenge has only been going on for two years, the quest for beauty has been going on all of my life. It has always been this elusive, somehow unattainable goal. No diet made me feel beautiful; there was always something missing. And I could never explain why.
Earlier this year, while reading the Psalms, I came across a verse that stopped me in my tracks. Ps. 45:11, “The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.” (NIV) Many other translations capitalize the word “King”, referring to God. So the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Creator of the entire universe, is charmed and fascinated by me! He knows the color of my eyes and my hair, He has counted each freckle and birthmark, and He declares me to be beautiful.
The second part of that verse reads that I am to honor Him because He is my Lord. How do I honor God in my pursuit of beauty? First, I recognize that God created me to look just as I am, no matter where I am in my health journey. He thinks I’m beautiful, and it offends Him when I constantly complain or abase what He has created. If He thinks I’m charming and fascinating, can I at least agree that what He has created is worth not criticizing?
Father, thank you for calling me Your masterpiece and letting me know that my life has purpose and meaning. God help me to begin to see myself through Your eyes, eyes of love and grace. Help me to not pursue what the world views as beauty, but what You call beautiful. Thank you for loving me just as I am. Amen.
In pursuit of zoe,
I am a few years older than you and I still have days when I cannot fathom why God would love me the way He promises that He does. I have made so many mistakes in my life that I fear I will never overcome my ineptness. I struggle everyday to believe His promises, and tell myself that God dosen't make junk.
ReplyDeleteI have always been the mouse in the corner, far from the front lines. Looking out on the world and all that is happening I know that it is now time to break those chains and hold the front lines. I am Thankful for the SheTribe and the ladies that have come together to carry His banner. God is truly raising a mighty army of women and we will be among the proclaimers. Thank you for all your encouragement and wisdom. United in pursuit of Zoe.